With sun-sweat beading,
He shines my shoes while telling
Me old stories. Tip.
photo: Osvaldo Zoom
My middle school piano teacher, Mr. Lipschitz, had an old-world mustache and an unenviable name, but he also had the strongest damned pinkies I’ve ever seen.
Dan the ex-carnival midway worker who was district manager of Electrolux vacuum cleaners in Sandy Springs, Georgia, described his way of shuffling his feet against welcome mats – bull-like – in front of homes when someone answered the door as a declaration of, “Stand aside, ma’am, I’m coming in!”
I’ve encountered my first New York shark since the decision to move back.
I called a gym a block away from my new office to see if they had a swimming pool. A man answered the phone at this popular NYC gym franchise, and no sooner had I uttered the question (“Do you have a swimming pool?”) than he smelled blood. I am quite sure he did not have ESP (because the existence of ESP is questionable theologically, and…does anybody talk about ESP anymore?… Don’t we probably have a new word for that…something with a dot.com in the name somewhere…?), but he immediately said back, “Is that a deal breaker?”
Like I wasn’t ready to tango quite yet with the membership question, but he was already deep into whether it would be the right club for me or not. Just sign here. He heard it in my voice, that I’ve-been-away-from-Manhattan-for-eight-years-and-I-only-think-I-can-still-tango-like-a-City-boy…
“Yeah,” I said. That would be a deal breaker.
“No, not yet. They haven’t called me up yet.”
“I have two other locations that have pools…” and so went on the conversation.
So now I am scheduled to meet him, Hassim, this membership director, Monday afternoon either at 12 Noon or 5:00, whichever I can make it in for. He has my name, my birthdate, mother’s maiden name and whether I use speed stick or roll-on.
This guy was good. Real good.
A bio I…encountered…online for a man who works with a consultant in the homeland security field mused as follows:
“[Dr. Joe Smith] a medical neuroscientist, has an MD/PhD from [West Coast] University, is the [employee title] of the Institute for Interventional Informatics and has gained international recognition for pioneering new methods of physiologically based human-computer interaction. [Smith’s] research efforts have focused on advanced instrumentation and new methods of analysis which can be applied to evaluating various aspects of human function as it relates to human-computer interaction, this effort was to identify methods and techniques which optimize information flow between humans and computers. [Smith’s] work has indicated an optimal mapping of interactive interface technologies to the human nervous system’s capacity to transduce, assimilate and respond intelligently to information in an integrative-multisensory interaction will fundamentally change the way that humans interact with information systems. Application areas for this work include quantitative assessment of human performance, augmentative communication systems, environmental controls for the disabled, medical communications and integrated interactive educational systems. [Smith] is particularly active in technology transfer of aerospace and other defense derived technologies to the fields of health care and education. Specific areas of interest are: advanced instrumentation for the acquisition and analysis of medically relevant biological signals; intelligent informatics systems which augment both the general flow of medical information and provide decision support for the health care professional; public accesses health information databases designed to empower the average citizen to become more involved in their own health care; and advanced training technologies which will adaptively optimize interactive educational systems to the capacity of the user. “
Frankly, I think he has done so much interactive interfacing, optimally speaking of course, he has left the rest of us scratching our heads and not knowing how to transduce, assimilate or respond intelligently.